Ugh.

I am stuck in a HUGE migraine rut. Literally for the last 10 days including today I have felt sick. There is really no reason why these cycles come and go from time to time. Lately, they have been "manageable" I mean having like 3 a week that are mild... I'll take it. But these last 10 days I have also been busy so trying to deal has been tough. And the next 2 weeks are the busiest weeks I have bad in a LONG time, so I am nervous.... which doesn't help keeping migraines at bay.
I just hope that this week they will be mild, something I can manage. When I am busy and feeling really sick it is very easy for me to get down. I don't want that, but then again who does?
Anyhoo just keep me in your thoughts! I appreciate YA!!!!!!

Ugh.

There are many triggers to my migraines one being the weather... barometric pressure changes are brutal for me and the past week Colorado has been in a cold/rainy weather pattern which is KILLING ME! I have had migraines on and off for the past 10 days and the past 2 days have ben brutal. Yesterday was cold, foggy and rainy.... same as today. And that is an actual description of what it is like inside my head right now. ha!
Even after I take one of my pills and it might help the pain subside.... I am in a fog, droggy and over all feel like I got hit my a bus for at least a day after. And this isn't great timing either... I scheduled my Real Estate exam ONE week from TODAY! I literally couldn't study at all yesterday because looking at the screen and reading yesterday was impossible! I swear, if it aint one thing its another. Ammm I right?
Anyhoo friends, just asking for prayers that I can break out of this cycle so I am get my brain back. I NEED to focus. Badly.
Rain Rain GO away...............

I'm Tired...

SO last week I had so much fun with family in town and then Matt and I having a relaxing 4th of July weekend. But all the while.... I have been battling a 10 day migraine. Over the last 10 days I have depleted ALL my Migraine meds which is a HUGE cause for concern and every single day I have had to battle thru the pain to find it in me to have fun. But here it is Monday, a new week and I am tired of it. I am in so much pain right now but I need to do something on the computer for work and we move in 3 weeks.
I can battle thru but here on day 10, I am kinda beat down. I am sad and over it. I need this cycle to end before another one begins. Today is one of those "Why me" days.... I have been doing really well keeping it together but today I am out of positivity, I am out of Hope.
 So that is my piece today, my vent. Just pray for me. K, Thanks.

Hi.

Hi Guys..... I am back and I didn't mean to be gone for the last week but my body had other ideas. Here is what I have been dealing with.....
So 2 weeks ago at the request of my new neurologist here in Denver I got a new brain MRI (my last one was 8 years ago) which was so hard for me. I get claustrophobia real bad and being in the "head cage" inside this tomb with an IV in was the pits for me but I did it! Actually when it was over I felt so proud of myself. Then that Friday I got the results which came back as normal which I expected. That same day I got Migraine Trigger Point injections in my HEAD.... it was very unpleasant to say the least and the shots were suppose to numb the nerves in my head which should have drastically reduced my % of migraines..... BUT......... that isn't how my life works and last week was the worst week long migraine I have had in about a year. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days and no amount of migraine meds seemed to work. When you are so sick, stuck in bed, watching your life pass by it really really gets me down. I had a real rough week physically and mentally and I will save you the gory details.
You know, at least I can say I have tried everything and honestly I was born with this, this is my bad luck of the draw as it is for my Mom as well. Dealing with a chronic illness is so awful and it affects everyone in the family.
When this cycle finally broke and I was able to feel some relief this weekend it is like the clouds opened and God shone a light on me..... when I feel good it is unbelievable to me, like I can't believe it is happening .... I only wish everyday was like that.

Venting......

I am at the end of a very short pier so be warned before reading ahead..........

You guys I am literally besides myself in despair today....well this entire week actually.
Migraines....... before I start let me explain that there is NO cure........ this isn't something that I "caught". This is a life long illness that is hereditary.... My Mom has these and woman on both sides of my family have these....so I am screwed.  Having migraines is just the same as having any other chronic illness and all we can do is manage and treat.

Now....moving on. Here it is Friday, today I want to clean house, grocery shop and tonight Matt and I are going to see Interstellar but once again I am dealing with a migraine. This is day 7 in a row and I cannot explain to you what I would do to never have another migraine again. You know in my head part of me thinks I just cannot ever have a child because somedays I cannot even take care of myself. Several days a week I am so sick and at some point of the day with a migraine I think.....how could I ever care for another human being? At those times I cannot even get out of bed without wanting to die. It is such an awful thought and so unfair. And sadly unless you have a chronic pain illness you literally cannot understand and that is not your fault.

My life is 100% ruled by my migraines....every single day all I can think about is...
"Please God let me feel good today"
"Please God let me feel better"
"Please let me wake up tomorrow and feel ok"
And this goes ON AND ON.......it is the first thing I think of every morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.

This is a very short list of everything I DO and have DONE to manage my migraines and it is exhausting:
I have been going to a neurologist for 10 years
Tried at least 10 different daily preventative meds
Tried Botox
Rarely drink
Never smoke or around smoke
No drugs (although maybe I should living in Denver now.....ha)
Must get at least 8 hours of sleep and cannot get 8 hours one night then 6 the next or I am sick
Never skip a meal, always carry snacks
Get massages, get scalp massages
Tried essential oils, natural remedies
Yoga
Try to manage stress
Keeping a schedule each day to keep my body in a routine
Limiting my diet

I mean this list goes on for DAYS................... I will try anything once! It is no wonder why people with chronic illnesses are more prone to depression.
I try to live my life like anyone and have fun. Dealing with chronic pain for over 12 years, it is amazing how much I can handle. I live my days and try to work thru the pain but somedays I can't. I can't imagine how tired Matt is of hearing me say EVERY SINGLE DAY..... that I don't feel well. Sometimes I could just cry my eyes out....like today. It ISN'T fair!!! It's not. I would do anything and you can't even imagine what I would give up to never have another migraine again. And yes, I am lucky so many people are dealing with so much worse than I am.....but this is my life.

Thanks for listening.

Ugh.

Well.....this is like day 4 with a Migraine and I am sick of being sick! I have things to do, need to go to work and I have Style Boards piling up but instead I have a migraine.... a migraine that won't go away! I have noticed that I tend to get one when there is a change in the weather or pressure outside which is bad news because there is a chance of storms here for like the next week! What I would not give to never have one EVER again.....for real. Just letting you guys know I am here but that is why my posting has been spotty. If you need me I will be in bed..............

I Just Want to Feel Better

 About 2 weeks ago I had a week with NO migraines......all week, like everyday all day. I literally could not believe it....it was the most wonderful thing ever! I was in a good mood, more productive, Matt and I went to a nice dinner and talked over wine, it was a wonderful week. But since I have had migraines non-stop. I always say it....I am sick of being sick and that is how I feel again right now. This below is me......and starting my new job with Matt and being on a computer all day is making everything worse. Why me?

 Lately I have been reading up on several migraine books by Doctors and Chefs plus doing non-stop research since traditional medicine and doctors are not helping me. And the thing is even after all this research........what in the world am I suppose to do!???? Here are the Top 3 Diet changes that all boast about their incredible results, testimonials and stories of people's lives being turned around......

Vegan
Being a vegan is known to help and so many people have told me this works, and from a humane animal perspective this is great....Great for me.....but is it the answer?

No Gluten or Sugar diet

This diet boasts all whole food.........Veggies, minimal meat but dairy and animal products are fine. This also says to skip citrus, processed and aged food. The results seem good for this too... but this is very different from being Vegan.

The last is the "List" of known food triggers and what not to eat......but not all of these could be my triggers? They are all random and no doctors seem to agree on the same types of food? Why can't the medical profession get it together?

So.......Which one? Maybe a weird combination of the 3 and call it the "Nicole"??? But another thing I have been thinking about is, if I know that a huge lifestyle change like this for me could potentially cut my migraines down immensely then why am I not doing it??? Why am I lazy? Why am I so stuck into the way I eat and cook now??? Sometimes I think I am so stupid not to jump on a change but these diets are not easy. I am doing more research, talking with Matt, bought some new cookbooks and I can do it! I have to.

This picture sums up my life perfectly......I sometimes sit and think what is it like to wake up normal? Really, what is it like?

Do you have thoughts on which of these I should do? Do you know someone? I would love to hear all testimonials that I can! Leave me a comment or shoot me an email at nsavage@live.com

Doctors Listen Up,

Dear Neurologist-of-mine,

I am going to have to fire you. The first time I thought it was your "style" and you didn't know me well.  The second time you cleared Botox thru my insurance so that gave you a point or two (more on that later). This last time was the last time.

I took 2 hours off of work, then I worked thru lunch for 2 days for what? NOTHING. After waiting around for you for a total of 1 hour I was hoping we could talk for more than 12minutes. But I get that my "migraines" are chump change to you when you have surgery to attend but they are most certainly not that to me. I came to you with problems regarding my new insurance company, my meds always require extended authorization via YOU. I came to you to talk about how the generic doesn't work for me like the "actual brand" does. I came to tell you that the daily med you have me on is not helping. I then told you how I am at the end of my rope.

Now here is the good part...... you stared at me while I talked, interrupting me to say things that I just said.... fun! You have to leave the room twice and then this "migraine survey" you had me fill out you did not even glance at it, just stuck it in my file. IF you had read it you would know that I answered that my life revolves around my migraines, it causes me to miss out on things, that my pain level is maxed out.....but you didn't read it. Then at like exactly 12 minutes you told me this.....

* Stop taking my daily meds, nothing works for me (great thanks, informative)
* Asked if I take vitamins for the millionth time (I Do)
* Told me to buy a new herbal supplement and when I asked if it would make me nauseated you replied "maybe, most things seem to make you feel that way" (thanks for that)
* Then you told me you were CUTTING BACK my most important med I get, the ONLY thing that helps from 18 pills a month to 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could use 9 in a week.

Lastly, the Botox treatment that you cleared thru my old insurance....I even asked you face to face "I will only have to pay a co-pay right" you said YES! Well....... for those lovely 21 shots in my head that cost over $3,000...... you BILLED ME for $1200. Yup, not paying that. It didn't even work.

So thank you for not listening to me saying I am miserable, Thank you for then taking away medicine that helps and thank you for pushing me out the door in 12 minutes.

Theeeereeee Back!

You like those???? I could not have expressed the way I feel any better!!!! Sadly, it looks like this round of botox did not work. It has been 3 weeks and nothing.....in fact I am coming off one of the worst weeks in awhile. But hey, they said it could take up to 3 rounds for this work...so come December I will 100% try again! I am very sad but still hopeful. I can not live like this. (imagine me screaming that and having a tantrum) This week has been so awful and when I am in a really bad cycle it is so hard for me to stay positive. Gosh, I can't imagine how tired you all must be hearing of this.....I completely get it. Sometimes I think.....maybe Matt and I should discuss having a baby but then I get so sick I get sad and think....how could I? When I am this sick it takes everything I have just to get thru the work day... let alone care for another human being. 
Ahh! I am over this melodrama! Thank you all for the positive vibes, I feel them and you make me feel so loved!

Updates....

Hi Guys! How is everyone?? Is Oklahoma holding up after yesterdays sad OU/TX loss? Go figure huh?
I thought I would update you all on my weight loss and migraines!! Let's do the good first......

Finally, finally finally.....I have lost 25 pounds! I have told you that this past month all I can focus on is feeling better.....trying to move past my migraines so weight loss has not been in the front of my mind! But slowly but surely...I hit 25!! I currently weight 151 and I started at 176 in January ! I am no longer a 12 but an 8 (in most stores) and no more XL but L and the occasional M top now from time to time! Yay me! My next goal is 5+ more by Christmas!
I am going to try and get back into tracking my points! I did so well for like 6months but now I slack.....isn't it weird how the simplest of things can be so hard to do?? I am also going to try and post more recipes and things that do or do not work for me!
How are you guys doing?? Anything I can help you with??? And hey, fluctuating is ok and staying at the same weight is ok! It takes time doing this the old fashion way!

Now the bad-(ish)! If you know me then you know I love to use an (ish)! Ha! Botox.....now I was told it could take up to 3 sessions over 9 months and I am well aware of that. And it has only barley been 2 weeks so I am not sure yet how this is effecting me and I am hopeful. But this week I have had migraines. Several times this week last night in fact and currently. As soon as I am done blogging I am going to lay down....feeling good for the work week is always the goal. So here's to hoping it gets better!

25 shots to my head....

Guess what???? Me the girl with the insane-needle-phobia survived 25 shots to the HEAD!!!! That almost makes me sound gangster huh? I will start out with saying there is no shame to my game and I 100% had to take an anxiety pill to get to the neurologist! I also blared Glee: The Beatles on the way to.....ha, I am so silly!

 Luckily, I asked my new friend Kylee to come be my support system and just having someone there with me was so nice! Thanks Kylee! While waiting in the waiting room my stomach was so upset and I can also say I most defiantly had the "nervous pees"....don't act like you don't know what I am talking about!

 My neurologist wouldn't allow "action shots" which is probably good because Kylee said she couldn't believe what she was seeing. We started face down and he did my head, base of skull and neck.....and I will say it is not pleasant, not at all..... but I prepared for the worst. Your neck muscles are pretty tough so hearing the sound of the needle pop thru will take awhile to forget! Then we rolled over (he gave me a breather/gather myself) and we did my hairline, side of my head and all over my forehead!

 I will say that being soooo worked up and tight that when it was over good thing I got to lay down with an ice pack because I got really light headed and felt like throwing up. I know I know.....People do this for vanity reasons daily but this was hard for me. I was SOOOOOO proud I made it through.

 Last night (Tuesday night) I felt stiff, sore, tender and my forehead swelled a tad. So this is me with "corn" on my forehead in a rocking Halloween towel.....but of course! Wednesday I did have a migraine, more stiffness and I was tender, so I took the day off work to recover.

Now all we need to do is pray pray pray that over the next 10 days this will start to help! I go back for a check up in 1 month and then we repeat every 3 months! I am so so so hopeful, and I can not thank you all enough for your prayers!

Eek!!!

You are probably wondering what this creepy drawing that looks somewhat similar to the man-alien in Prometheus is doing on my blog.......and .....well......
After months I have been approved for Botox for Migraines due to the severity and frequency of mine. The picture above is all the injections sites. And yes, you are correct to remember my deathly fear of needles and I am very scared but I would do ANYTHING to feel better! Now that doesn't mean I won't cry but that is what it is.
It could take up to 9 months and 3 sessions to work but I pray pray this is what will help!I have even heard an inspirational story from someone I know who feels SO much better after his first round! (fingers crossed)
You can google this subject to better understand what and how this works...FYI
I go Tuesday, I have the afternoon off so after my 1:00pm appointment I can go home and calm down I am sure! And it is not at all suppose to make my face look different but I could be swollen for a few days which I am hoping not!
So keep me in your mind Tuesday and next weekend be on the look out for my post about the actual appointment! Eek!

Migraine-be-Gone.....

This week I had my first appointment with my new Neurologist here in Columbus and he seemed to be assertive and he has a plan for me which is good! It's always hard meeting a new doctor and trying to fill them in on the past 12 years of my migraine history!

First up, is a some new dietary restrictions and it's a lot! BUT.....not everything is a trigger for me so we will work thru this and take it week by week!

 Second, we are "tapering" me off an old preventative medicine and starting a new one.....so Matt helped me out by 1/4-ing all my old and new pills! I have taken them for 2 nights and since the meds are over-lapping currently I feel very foggy but that should clear up once the transition is over! Wish me luck!

Lastly, I have chronic migraines and he does think Botox would be something to try....so his office has started the petition with my insurance company to get this covered! It could take anywhere from 1 month to 6 months! So we shall see when that will be!
Maybe this will be the "trick"?! Who knows!

1 of 36 Million

PLEASE, please and please.....watch this video below. I write this post after having 4 days straight with a migraine over the Holiday weekend. It can really wear you down and people still don't know much about migraines..........Every word Cindy says is truth for me and people do not understand.at.all.
I have known for awhile that Cindy McCain is a migraine sufferer and everything in this video is me. I am sooooooo full of hope for the future due to people like this pushing to find treatment that works.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

She is so right, the worst part is people do not understand this is a illness backed by science and fact. People all the time think "us" (migraine people) make this stuff up. I have said over and over and over that I would give up anything if someone told me I would never have a migraine again. Or heck if I would only have 1 a month....I would do anything. I am also on like my 10th medicine and I want to try botox but money is always an issue.
Thanks for listening.....To learn more, to find a doctor or to even donate funds to the research you can find all that at .....
http://www.americanmigrainefoundation.org/support-the-foundation/36-million-migraine-campaign/
or
HERE

Just....

I just wanted to let you all know I have something special for you today....My friend Allison is insanely talented and she runs Refunk my Junk and she will be doing a guest post today!!!!! Get excited.

Also, I have had the worst week with migraines....I have had one every single day including today and I am at the end of my rope. I don't understand why me? Yes, I have a neurologist, take meds, watch for my triggers but none of that will stop a migraine. So I can't do anything but deal. I hope you all have a great Friday and enjoy the guest post.

Sick Sick Sick

Hey Guys.......I sure did start my week off with Matt with a BANG..........more like a yack! I have been throwing up since last night and I am battling the worst migraine I have had in months!
Just wanted you all to know I am alive.........barely

Sick and Tired

Hi friends.....2 posts in one day? You may be thinking what did we do to deserve this? Well, you have probably spoke too soon......as this post is a rant or vent of sorts............

How is my new job going? Good, I am doing good and I enjoy the positive feedback I have already gotten in these 2 short weeks.
What is not good? Is sitting in a cubicle, staring at 2 wide screen monitors for 8 hours, getting up and ready to leave my house before 7am and getting hit in the face with florescent lights all day. Friends, these two weeks have been the sickest I have been in ...I don't know how long! Every SINGLE day I have had to fight a migraine along with the urge to cry in a bathroom stall while at work each day. I don't expect people to understand, people who have only had a "headache" from time to time literally can not relate but I will break it down for you......... Currently my head feels like it weights about 50 times putting pressure at the base of my neck making me feel like a bobble head, it feels also like someone has scalped me....shoved hot coals into my skull then put my scalp back on top too tight. It also feels like I must have a itty bitty gremlin sitting on my nose shoving an ice pick into my eye socket and then scrambling it around. I know I know....this all sounds like such crazy talk from a mad women but that is how I feel 100%. This illness is something that I will have to manage my whole life....there is NO cure and yes, I have tried everything and I have a neurologist, daily meds and the whole 9 yards. It is SO easy for me to get really down, I mean I do not even know what it is like for most people who actually wake up each morning and feel normal.?! I wake up each morning praying as hard as I can asking God for a good day. And the worst part? I have blown thru my meds so much so lately that according to insurance I should only have 2 more migraines for the next 2 weeks......as in I only have 2 pills left. I have to suffer, I can barely sleep with a migraine let alone sit at a desk staring at a computer for 8 hours a day while wanting to crawl under my desk and hide.

I am sorry to blow you all up with such a Debbie Downer of a post and yes, I am thankful to be alive for all of you eternal optimistic who always count your blessings......but it is hard, it is hard to be anything but blue sometimes. And you know what? I would let someone chop off at least 3 fingers, maybe more if they could guarantee me that for the rest of my life I would be migraine free. Sad truth.

Urgh.........

Well guys today is suppose to be a Thankful Thursday post but I just don't have it in me today. Instead of thinking about what I am thankful for I am thinking about how to survive today with this migraine. I haven't complained about migraines for awhile so I think another post was due. I have been in a real bad cycle lately it seems that out of the last 14 days I have had a migraine for 10 of those days. I desperately need this to stop. I opened one eye this morning and thought "oh no" as I realized how awful I felt. I feel as though someone has removed all the skin on my forehead and scalp, then used a blow torch on my skull and then put my skin back on. Graphic, I know and I am sorry but that is a 100% accurate way of how I feel. What is worse is that some super smart person at the insurance company has decided that having migraines is an ELECTIVE ILLNESS........oh yes, I most certainly picked this out of a hat. So insurance has decided that I am only allowed around 9 pills a month. SO on days like today when I know I could take something to get some relief.....I can't....I have to suffer because I am out of pills and insurance will not let me fill my meds for another 7 days. Could I pay full price? Sure but I don't have a couple of hundred $$$ for 9 pills. Also insurance has decided that if my neurologist prescribed me a few different things to help ease my pain that they are not going to pay for that either. SO I am only allowed like 2 prescriptions when having 3 would help so much more. I literally understand why people go "postal" because I want to call my health insurance company and scream at them today. (but I won't) I made a check up appointment with my neurologist for next week but I am not sure what good that will do. Migraines is a chronic illness.....there is NO cure, this is something I will have my entire life. What I would not give to not feel this way?!? Ok guys I will stop before my debbie downer post makes your day less happy also. I hope you all feel much better than I do today.....my only goal is to raise awareness of migraines and to make people realize there isn't a "magic" cure. Having an "invisible" illness is awful because people don't believe or understand what they can not see.

Let's Talk....

Get ready because this is going to be another "preachy" migraine post......

Last night was the 7th night in a row that I had to take one of my mega pills and go to bed with a migraine! I mean enough already, I am in a bad cycle that I want to stop. Whenever I post about my migraines on Facebook everyone is so kind and they try to offer their help and I am so thankful to have such nice friends..... but at the same time I have been diagnosed for over 10 years and it's not like I sit around sick....I have tried everything.
1. I have a CO detector in my home and that is not it
2. I went to a chiropractor for 3 years and that did nothing
3. I have had 2 MRI's
4. I have a neurologist who I regularly see
5. I am on a daily preventative medicine
6. I have 2 very expensive prescriptions I take when a migraine comes on.....but the wonderful people at the insurance companies limit the number of meds migraine sufferers can take......6 of one a month and 18 of the other. Since I have more migraines than that I have to choose if I can suffer thru this one as to save my meds.
7. I get 8 hours a sleep every single night
8. I do not drink or smoke
9. I watch what I eat

As you can see I do and have tried everything. And I totally realize that with an illness you can not see that it is easy to look at someone who suffers from migraines and think "oh you have a headache" and you have no idea. When you take these heavy duty migraine pills you are suppose to take them and go to bed but that is not realistic, they make you very woozy......I have learned to work thru the fog because in what life do you have time to miss work and lay in bed all day?  I just want people to know it is so much more then a little headache..........sometimes I literally think I am going to die and I don't mean such a debbie downer but at times it is hard to pull myself out of a dark place. Do you know what it is like to pray EVERY single night "please God let me wake up feeling ok".....I would kill to know what it is like to just wake up everyday feeling normal. If I am ever out late with friends, or out of town or doing something out of the normal in my head I am beyond stressed wondering if I am going to get sick. I get by each day at a time. I wish there was more education on migraines....I have written Oprah (go figure) I mean imagine if she did a show? People would maybe stop thinking I am some baby with a little headache. I don't mean to be all up on my soap box and lecturing everyone but I am passionate about this. I would do anything to be normal and from time to time I just need to get this all "out there"!!
Thanks for listening.........

Fat Tuesday was Sad Tuesday

So while many of you were celebrating Fat Tuesday I was at home ALL day sick!  I have been in a downwards migraine spiral this past week (including today). I woke up yesterday and I knew I was sick....When my alarm went off at 6am I laid there and opened one eye to see if it was true and it was.....blinding pain!  I got up, took my migraine med and went back to bed until 9! Usually after that I start to feel better as the day goes on but not yesterday!! I was so sick and like always that made me blue/sad.  Even worse last night I was suppose to go to a JH get together for Fat Tuesday and I was in charge of bringing the King Cake.......so boohoo no king cake made it to the party last night. Just so you know girls....it was awful, the cake was dry and bland!

So how do I feel today? Not much better.....I hope I make it thru the day! Did you have a better Tuesday than I did? I sure hope so.