Benjamin Button

Most of you know that we called Abner our Benjamin Button and if you haven't seen the movie to understand the reference then you should PLUS it's a great movie. Brad Pitt's character was born an old man and each year he aged backwards, he got younger. And I know I have shared this story with you all before... but when we got Abner 8 years ago the doctors thought he was possibly 12 years old then. He was in bad shape but over the years with our LOVE and care he seemingly aged backwards! Our very own Benjamin Button.........

 I was thinking of ways to honor Abner in tattoo form, who would of thought that would be something I would ever say BUT not a day goes by that I don't LOVE looking at my arm and thinking of my Oscar. Well a few weeks ago it came to me a BUTTON. Literally a sewing button. And last Thursday I made that come to fruition....

 I was super nervous because that part of your arm can hurt so bad but my girl Brittany went with me and we chatted thru the pain! It's funny when researching buttons I couldn't find anything online, it's a  weird tattoo so I wound up going to Hobby Lobby and picking an actual button.

 And yup it hurt, I have never had shading done before. You can see the button on his iPad for reference while he worked.

 It will take a week before it looks better and the coloring will blend and lighten up some. But I honestly think this is the perfect way to honor Abner. After the tattoo we went to dinner and had a glass of wine to cheers to the life we got to spend with my boy.

 All along I felt in denial still, like where is Abner... I was feeling disconnected from Abners memory and now I do feel like a piece of him is with me. I like that.

Infertility

 Hey guys.... TGIF!! SOOOOO I have news..... I got a TATTOO! This is my 3rd and that is something I thought I would never say! LOL! But this wasn't a spur of the moment but something I have been thinking about for months! My good friend Rebecca was nice enough to come with me, which made it much more fun!!

The next pictures I call the many faces of pain. And I get it... this is a small tattoo and I am being a baby but you guys, the inside of your bicep is soft and I GREATLY underestimated the amount of pain. I got nauseous and had tears brought to my eyes! Luckily it only took a little over 30 minutes to complete this. 

 This is the Tattoo artist is who did my weenie dog for Oscar last year and when I showed him my ideas he took them and created something new that would look good. I trusted that he clearly knows best and he was so kind when I made him change the placement of the tattoo like 3 times before we started!! Look at my face... speaking of weenies, I look like a HUGE one.........

 This is the look of I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD HURT THIS BAD combined with not breathing. Rebecca was a wonderful photographer, thanks friend!

SO here she is....... This is 9 Chevron/Arrowheads and each one represents an infertility procedure. 7 IUI's and 2 Rounds of IVF. They are in a row because as you go up it changes you and the pain from the tattoo reflects the pain of everything we went thru. This is also a play off of the Military ranking system... the more "Chevrons" you have the higher the rank and the more I went thru the more it changes you. This is also a reminder that I am MUCH stronger than I though I was and that I/we did everything we could. I did it, I survived what I thought at times I wound't. And I love that you wound't know the meaning of this unless I told you. 

OH ya, it hurts today... thats for sure and I will show more pictures as the swelling goes down and you can see the actual tattoo better. Maybe this will help bring me closure? That would be nice. 

Anyways..... I DID IT! ARGH!!!!!!

My Muse

 Lump first met Picasso on April 19, 1957 at La Californie, Picasso's hillside mansion in Cannes. His owner, David Douglas Duncan, had photographed Picasso for the first time during the previous year. On this occasion he chose to bring along Lump, as the Dachshund didn't get along with his other dog.^[1] While having lunch with his future wife Jacqueline Roque and Duncan, Picasso enquired if the dog had ever had a plate of his own. When Duncan responded no, Picasso picked up a brush and paint that were on the table and painted a portrait of Lump on his own dinner plate. With the work dated and inscribed to Lump, he handed the plate to Duncan as a gift.^[3] The dog felt immediately at home and stayed with Picasso for the next six years at La Californie, living with Picasso's Boxer Yan and a goat named Esmeralda.^[1] Duncan spoke of Lump and Picasso, "This was a love affair. Picasso would take Lump in his arms. He would feed him from his hand. Hell, that little dog just took over. He ran the damn house."^[2]

Duncan would return to visit Picasso during this time, and photographed the artist with Lump on several occasions along with Picasso's children. While Picasso preferred to work alone, he would often be accompanied by Lump. In one series of photographs, he made a rabbit out of a sugar impregnated cardboard cake box for the dog, who carried it into the garden to eat.^[1][2]

Duncan spoke of Lump's stay with Picasso, "Lump had an absolutely pampered life there. Picasso once said, ‘Lump, he’s not a dog, he’s not a little man, he’s somebody else.’ Picasso had many dogs, but Lump was the only one he took in his arms."^[1]

In 1964, during a visit with Picasso, Duncan was informed that Lump was unwell. The dog was suffering from a spinal condition leaving him without the use of his back legs and was being looked after by a local vet in Cannes. Duncan visited the vet and was informed that the condition could not be cured, and the vet was no longer feeding him.^[2] Duncan sought a second opinion, taking back the dog, he drove it to Stuttgart, Germany, where he found a vet who was willing to treat Lump. The treatment took several months, but Lump would go on to live for another ten years, albeit walking as Duncan would describe "a bit like a drunken sailor".^[2] He died ten days before Picasso, on 29 March 1973.^[1][2]

 I loved this drawing not only because it was a weenie dog but there was back story about a weenie who inspired a great artist and last Fall when we got Oscars diagnosis I already had my mind made up that this is how I would honor him.

SO Saturday was the BIG day, the day that I would get a piece of Oscar to always carry with me. And ya, I know it's small but that soft spot on your arm hurts REAL bad. But it only took 30 minutes, thankfully! Matt is still deciding what he wants to do to honor Oscar. 

 This is the finished result, I am so super happy.... it's perfect, it is artistic, it has several layers of stories to it and it completely represents my boy Oscar.

 I am/ We are 100% still grieving and I break down all the time but that just reinforces the love that we shared. It was complete, real, honest, loyal and forever.